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Showing posts from December, 2016

Evaluation 2016.0

you were heavy,
and i needed you to be.
i needed you to weigh me
into the ground so hard
that i was forced to learn the lesson
of what it really means
to let go of something."
-- Danielle Doby

Marginal utility of each passing year increases at galloping motion with age. It seems like only last month I was evaluating 2015 and trying to jot down my resolutions for 2016. Then time suddenly took the fast forward mode and before I know it I’m again half lying in front of my laptop in my shabby pyjamas and my favourite pink Turkish socks and trying hard not to lose hope one more time. And yet, it turned out to be much easier than I had thought.

2016 has been the most eventful year of my life in the past decade. And the edgiest. In fact it was dangerously hanging over the precipice. One inch of slip and I would be sitting here labelling it as the year of disaster (nobody would be surprised by that though). Well, did you ever see a sine graph? A sine function wiggles from positive to …


Once upon a time when I was still young and na├»ve enough to abide by my parents’ choice my family’s favourite weekend getaway was Digha. If the main reason behind this shameless partiality was the availability of my father’s office holiday home then the secondary reason was Digha’s convenient location. Wake up early, get dressed, and board a Volvo. Four hours journey and you get to feel the humid beach wind on your face. Nostalgia is not my strong suit and I hardly look back at those holidays with much pleasure. Because Digha or as a matter of fact any other beaches of Bengal are as boring as it can get unless you have booze or any other means of entertainment only permissible for 18 and above. Good news for me, I am an adult now. So Mandarmoni did not sound so horrific when the proposition was first placed on the table.

However there is hardly anything that we did that would provide good material for even a tiny travelogue. We took the train from Howrah to Digha. Mandarmoni is rough…

Quote of the Week

Billy Mack: I realised that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realised that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.

-- Love Actually (2003)

Merry Christmas everyone! Never give up on love. :)


The Bimbo and the Sleuth

Dear Zindagi
To be honest, I have no idea why I went to see this one. I guess I was feeling way too delirious and just picked the movie randomly. People might think I need to get my head checked. After all, if you just look at Alia Bhatt for more than ten minutes your IQ drops at least ten points. Throw in a bearded SRK and you end up feeling like Leonardo DiCaprio stuck in the Shutter Island for two and half hours trying to figure out whatever the fuck is going on. DZ is the story of a girl Kyra with intimacy issues in life. Why? Well, because her filthy rich parents (who, by the way, has got a swimming pool in the backyard of their Goa mansion.) ‘abandons’ five years old Kyra to her filthy rich grandparents who also happen to own a big, fat villa in Goa and goes to some phoren country looking for more dough. Sad, little Kyra grows up to be a commitment phobic little whore who fiddles with camera and shoots so-incredibly-mediocre-that-it-borders-on-ridiculous scenes. Oh it’s because …

Being Insane

You know how exhilarating it is to be the crooked, insane one? The so-called normal people will never be able to comprehend this. We are bonkers. Batshit crazy. And fully aware of it. Insanity is our choice, not helplessness. We are that heady punch of madness and philosophy that will leave you begging for more. We are compassionate in the most indifferent and cruellest way possible. That’s why darkness does not freak us out. We appreciate if you wish to get vulnerable and show us the darkest part of your soul. We promise to touch that throbbing, festering mound of flesh with our ever healing fingers and make room for light. If you give us cuts and bruises, we will make a map out of it to guide your way to salvation. Long before you came into our life with the promise of sandcastle we had put our soul on fire and turned our vulnerability into an invincible armour around us. How could your poison kill us when poison runs through our veins? No matter how hard you try you will never be …


Blackout by Alec Essefic

Blackout poetry is created by simply blacking out the lines off a book or a newspaper, leaving only the highlighted random words that weave themselves together into poems.


Lately I am going through something I have never experienced before in my entire life so far. A state of absolute disconnection. As if some magical fairy creature swished the wand and put all the chaos to sleep all of a sudden. At first I was quite shocked at my state of composure. After all I am someone who has both GAD and BPD. Freaking out over nothing is my signature move. How could I possibly be so calm and nonchalant? Ok here goes the confession. I freaked out for a bit for not freaking out. I thought I had turned into one of those empty shell people who give up on feeling anything after being screwed over repeatedly. Then I thought I could be heading for a delayed reaction fiasco. It took me some time to realize it was none of the cataclysmic scenarios I was fancying in my head. I am no longer wailing up reading sad tumblr poetry. I am no longer having morning periods. I am no longer having anxiety attacks. Rather I am laughing at good jokes. I am taking care of my dogs again.…

Quote of the Week

I feel like it's the
broken ones
that romanticize the rotten,
the terrifying and terribles
Maybe we just want
to feel beautiful,
or maybe we want people
to see that we have
so great a capacity
to love,
to feel,
that we had to crack
to make room.

-- Chrissie Pinney | Cracks


Because I Wear My Heart on My Skin

The first thing people ask me when they see my tattoos is, "Wow is that permanent?" The second one follows quite immediately and inevitably. "Did it hurt?"
Well being a believer in Buddhism I am fiercely against the naivety called permanence. Fuck I can't even maintain a boyfriend long enough to stick around to wish me on my birthday. Some day my mortal body will go back to where it came from. So no, like everything else my tattoo is definitely not permanent. But yes, I would definitely die with those ink marks on my body.
And in reply to the next question, yes bitch it hurt. They will keep on drilling your skin on the same spot until the ink soaks through the outer layer of the skin into dermis. So it did hurt a little. And before you ask me why I put myself through the pain voluntarily and also paid for it I am going to read your mind and answer it anyway.
Because I love feeling that pain. Pain makes me feel that I am not dead yet. And it feels absolutely en…

Quote of the Week

A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you’ll know the debt is paid.
-- George R. R. Martin | A Clash of Kings