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Diwali 2018

I had never celebrated Diwali so properly until this year. My fondest memory of Diwali (or Kali Puja) was the Lokkhi Pujo my grandmother used to do. We are proud natives of West Bengal (or Calcutta to be precise) and our custom is to do Lokkhi Pujo on the day of Kali Pujo, which is NOT to be confused with the puja that non-Bengalis do.
Last year's Diwali was quite awful. I was all alone in a new place surrounded by strangers. I was living as a paying guest at some Nepali woman's house. I was neither very enthusiastic nor happy to participate in their festivities. Not to mention my personal life was going through some upheaval again. Toxic people, toxic influence. This year I was travelling both before and after Diwali and I was home for only three days in between and we did all we could to celebrate the festival of light. It was simple, not extravagant but no less amazing.










Recent posts

Excelsior

It was the first post on my Instagram feed yesterday morning. And the very first thing I saw after waking up. I saw the word, written in white against pitch black; below a span of time - span of your time on earth. I did not have to read the caption. I knew what had happened. I know you were 95 years old. I know it was nothing out of the blue. I know you had lived a full life; you were loved, admired, worshiped by billions. And yet I couldn't stop those tears. No more cameos. Ever again. It was expected, wasn't it. People die. Even your superheroes do. And that's what makes life so special.
For many of us Marvel is not just about a bunch of fictional characters running around saving the universe from fictitious villains. For us, it's a way of living. It's a philosophy. It's hope. That no matter what our superheroes, who are as fallible as we are, are never going to leave us. End of the line. You have taught us that it is okay to be different. It is okay to be th…

Pujo 2018

This year I realised a few things that had changed (irrevocably perhaps) about me. Number one, except for Mahalaya programme and Visarjan I no longer have any sentimental attachment to Durga Puja. The sheer reason of going home was only for parents and the best friends (two, to be precise). Honestly speaking, I would have been more than happy to go on a trip.




Number two, talking about best friends, I no longer have the patience to entertain people whom I do not particularly consider friend, or people I really care about. I spent half my vacation lying in bed reading books (something I rarely get to do in Darjeeling these days) and felt absolutely peaceful.




Number three, I am no longer a fan of pandal hopping. This year, however, I went out twice with friends. One day to north Calcutta with A because she had never been there. Second time with D for exactly 1.5 hours during which we explored exactly three pandals.


Number four, the only activity I still enjoy is donning saree on Ashtami…

Abnormal

Today evening while coming back home I bumped into an old neighbour of mine. That uncle and his wife have always been my favourite. Reason you will get to know from my next sentence. Uncle was kneeling down by roadside trying to feed one of our stray dogs. I remembered just yesterday my mom was telling me that uncle had just had angioplasty. I had to halt and talk to him. In reply to my basic "How are you" he started telling me in unusually small voice how that dog had been run over by our another neighbour's car and that he was feeding him some painkiller. Had it been another time I would have freaked out and flipped out. I always hated that bastard family. I used to fight with them over those stray dogs. And the fact that they are bloody non-Bengalis from north India used to make me angrier. I don't like foreign races coming into our territory and get away with criminal act and being arrogant about it. But anyway. Today was different. I had no strength to react. I …

Paper

Its been exactly a year I moved to Darjeeling. Many things have shifted in this past one year. To be honest, from mid 2017 till now my life has gone through so many major and rapid changes that if I look back I may not recognise the old me. But I guess that's a good thing. Life should never be stagnant, and so is one's personality. As for me, I am happy where I am in life right now. I am also happy about whatever happened so far. Especially last year it was so very painful. But pain or loss always brings about new beginning. And some losses are not even loss. They are actually blessings in disguise.The best thing that happened so far is that I became more self reliant. Maybe not a big deal for normal people but for an anxiety patient it is a huge achievement. I still can't make random conversation with people. Still awkward and nervous at social gatherings. Still paranoid about meeting new people. But I am not as fucked up as before. My close ones keep telling me not to be…

Gangtok Diaries/ 3

I know I am late. But I just don't bloody care.








To be continued

Because Life is Not Foolproof

Have you ever stayed awake till early dawn pondering over your past mistakes? Or you wake up from your sleep all of sudden with heart beat deafening your eardrums? Of course you have. We have all been there. Don't try to fool the world with those Instagram perfect selfies and that curated display of your blissful life all over social media.
Life is weird. At least that much I have realised after all this time. I am at my peaceful best when I just leave it to the fate and live like a mindless monkey. Even if things go wrong (which they always do) I don't have much scope of beating myself up. Sometimes I fall into the old trap of human life and try to take charge of life. Motivation feels sweet. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. Then the plans fall flat and I suddenly discover myself standing in the middle of the crumbled pile covered in dust. Where did I go wrong? Where did I go wrong? Apparently harmless, but the deadliest question ever. Anxiety shoots skyward. De…